We Bend

                                                                  

It’s strange how the structure of families can easily bend and the idea of what an American family is evolves with each era.  For example, beforehand a family was the same through life, there was a mom, a dad and a child, or two; nothing much changed until the children went off to college.  In today’s world, there are single moms, single dads, divorce and same sex parents.

             My family has certainly morphed and changed since the beginning. My parents started as an all American family, they bought a little house with a white picket fence, on a little street called cozy croft.  They had me, and then four years later they had my brother.  Years passed with ease, my mother had an art business in addition to being a stay at home mom and my dad was an electrician. Meanwhile I was attending a Lutheran school and my brother was placed in a daycare from time to time.  Picture perfect, right?

            Well then time went on and my mom and dad started facing financial issues. This wasn’t the only issue, L.A. was proving to be a dark place to raise a family and my parents wanted more for us. Since they had to get rid of our house anyway, they had made the decision to move to Hawaii. Hawaii’s house market was low at the time and as a wedding gift my grandma had bought them a piece of land there as well. So a leap of faith was taken and we left the only life we had ever known, across the ocean onto a little floating rock surrounded by water.  

            Life in Hawaii was hard at first and a bit scary. Luckily my grandparents had moved over with us, so they helped a lot. Our house was definitely different then I was used to, it was a small house on stilts with a large yard, with lots of greenery and just a walk to the ocean! Things were great honestly; my childhood was sunny, full of smiles and sand.  Oh, and lots of cats.

            However, when I was about to begin high school our family dynamic changed. My parents never saw each other because of my dad’s work schedule, and things fell apart. Then, the death of my grandfather affected us all immensely. My parents then got a divorce.

 The divorce was painful, and lasted about three years to finalize.  The worst part was when my dad lived upstairs and my mom had to live down stairs. They could be in the same room together without hell breaking loose, which was difficult because the kitchen was upstairs, and the computer room and laundry room was downstairs.

            Finally the house was sold and with it I felt like my childhood was forced to a close.  I think I knew that was my final goodbye to childhood, with the last shut of my front door.  I experienced so much in that house, so much stability and security, which was then swiped from under me.

            Nonetheless, I was surprised how different my parents were a part from one another. They were like new people, much happier. I got to see my parents as people for the first time, which was a weird thing to me.  My parents weren’t my hero’s anymore, they cried and struggled just like the rest of the world; they were human now.

            As things progressed, things seemed to get better and better. After graduation I moved away for a year with my boyfriend to another island. After a year, my mom and I decided it was time to leave the island.  Now my mom and I live here in Oxnard, she lives with her best friend and I live with my boyfriend, but we are only 10 minutes away. 

            It’s strange to look back before we moved to Hawaii; we went as a whole and then left in pieces. However, I think my family is now stronger in pieces.  It’s extremely hard, don’t get me wrong, but everyone seems to be looking for their own thing now. It’s weird, because my parents no longer talk and I don’t get to see my brother, dad and grandma as much as I would like to anymore, but no matter what we will always be a family.  This is what my family is and I am very proud of what I have.

The Holiday

                                                     The Holiday

I have to say, I agree with Laren Smith’s essay “Is the Holiday Season too Materialistic?”. Yes, Americans do tend to materialize Christmas to an unnecessary extent. However, in the end it’s not about what you are buying, but boils down to the fact that you are giving a gift to someone you care for. If your friend values expensive jeans, so be it, give her those jeans for Christmas to show her how much she means to you. I don’t think that means you are being materialistic, but more so thinking about someone else and what they happen to like.

Personally, I enjoy homemade gifts the most. I think it shows that that person spent a lot of hands on time with your gift and makes the gift much more personalized.  However, at the same time buying something with the money you worked hard for says almost just as much.  In the end, you should not feel guilty buying items during Christmas; it is a tradition that molds with time.  Some people may expect gifts from their friends and family, but that is only because of tradition and the years of participating in the events of the Holiday. For the ones that can’t spend a fortune during Christmas, they still participate and find ways to show their loved ones they care.

The Holiday is about giving and closing out the year with the ones you care about. I like to see it as a ceremony, providing loved ones with items for the New Year as well as receiving things for the New Year.  I don’t think people should necessarily be stressed about buying gifts; the gesture of the matter is what is most important. I hate seeing people stressed about Christmas, I feel as though they are putting the stress on themselves, those that love you will not be mad if they don’t receive their most expensive want from you. I love going with the Holiday and rejoicing the end of the year and the beginning of the new one, with the ones I love. 

Little Steps

                                                    

For the first time in two years, I decided to go back to school. After high school I really needed a break, but it came to a point where I got bored and needed stimulation.  So here I am, enrolled full time at Oxnard College.  It honestly feels really good to get back into the game. I noticed I am very rusty at writing, however I am surprisingly better at math than I remember. I am also very excited about my TV class and all the equipment that is available for us to use; I can’t wait to get more projects going. I am also very pleased with my Belly Dance classes I take; it feels good to be involved in so many things.   

Although I have eliminated my boredom, now I feel as though I am fighting for spare time. I am a full time student in addition to working a job in LA. The job in LA is seasonal, however during the Halloween Season I am trying to keep my head above water.  I work at Halloween Horror Nights, which starts at 5 pm and I don’t get home till 4:30am, meaning I don’t get to bed till 5am. Juggling this job and school is a bit of a challenge, however I am glad it is almost over and I will be able to focus on school more.

Overall, I am so thankful that I am back in school with a better understanding of how school works. Unlike High School, I choose to be here in College and I am determined. I am also thankful that there is financial aid for students like me, because that was one thing that was holding me back from going to school. I am also genuinely happy about where life seems to be taking me right now. I am motivated by progress, and once I am on a roll I won’t stop till I hit the top. I really like the feeling of being engaged in projects and being a part of something bigger than me.  I feel accomplished every time I turn in a project or an assignment I am proud of.  Beforehand I was just hanging around the house, working and partying a lot. That was not satisfying to me after a while, because my creative drive wasn’t being fed. So now I plan on staying in school till I get my Associates in TV and Film: my first step to becoming a Movie Director. It’s amazing to see the little steps of life unfold right in front of you. 

Fake Reality

                                                        

            When you turn the television on today, almost every time it will be a pointless reality show playing. Television is not like it used to be, or maybe our form of entertainment is different than it used to be. If there is no sex, drama, or violence, than what’s the point of watching, right? Reality TV seems like a cheap way to entertain the millions, pumping America’s brains with unnecessary drama and raunchy behavior. I do not enjoy Reality TV, however I must admit I’ve fallen into the evil of it on occasion.  Reality Television can indeed be very informative and interesting, however that is only when it is in documentary form, like the ‘Discovery Channel’ or the ‘Travel Channel’.  Although, what Reality TV is in my mind, is mindless shows such as ‘America’s Next Model’, ‘Bad Girls Club’, ‘The Hills’ and so on.  

            Reality TV in the first place is never really ‘Reality’ anyway; it’s Hollywood! I have been in a few Reality shows myself and I was very surprised how scripted and fake they actually were. I hate how reality shows depict people, and it’s unsettling to think how America is depicted in Reality TV. It’s flat and plainly just annoying girls fighting, couples breaking up, shopping, and being pretty.  

            I enjoy shows that have an art to it, such as writing the story, casting the actors and editing. I like shows that have more to them then just random people being followed by cameras. Honestly I think Reality TV is dumbing down it’s viewers, especially the young ones. Imagine how many girls watch ‘The Hills’ and try and act like the girls in that show? Or even a scarier thought, how about the girls that watch the ‘Bad Girls Club’? Reality TV doesn’t show any morals, or doesn’t seem to have any point to it besides brainless TV watching.

            I do have to consider other forms of Reality TV however, like cooking shows, or home improvement shows. There is some good Reality TV out there, however I see that more as informative TV than Reality TV. I do enjoy nature shows and survivor shows too. However, even the survivor shows are fake. I remember when ‘Man v.s. Wild’ came to Hawaii to film. They were filming in the lava fields, which was right next to a populated highway.

            I want to see more actual television shows, however it seems like Reality TV is taking over. I honestly try to stay away from Popular Reality TV shows, especially the ones that portray women as sexual lunatics; there are a lot of those.  It irritates me to watch those kinds of shows, it’s boring to me. Like ‘The Hills’ for example, all it contains is rich kids going out to eat, hooking up, breaking up, and complaining; I don’t understand who those kids are and why America cares.

            If it was up to me, Television would consist of shows like I Love Lucy, American Horror Story, Friends, Workaholics and Misfits. I enjoy anything that you can tell people put effort and passion into. That’s the beauty of filmmaking; everyone comes together to make a story. 

Finding Beauty the Right Way

           It’s funny how people change over time and how their idea of beauty can change with them. When I was young, I had such a close-minded idea of what beauty was in a guy. You can’t blame me I guess; I was only a young niave girl at the time. Nonetheless, I was only drawn to liking a guy by his looks. The only guys who got my attention were tall, skinny, white guys with long dark hair. I was really into hardcore music at the time, so I guess I liked that image: pale, grungy guys who looked like they had issues.  

            This lasted for a good few years, until I matured a little more. I started to realize that it wasn’t how a guy looked that made him attractive to me.  There would be guys that absolutely fit my pre-mature idea of beauty, however when I would hang out with them their beauty faded.  Then there would be guys that I never thought twice about, but as soon as I spent some time with them something would tick in my head.  Their personality would shine through their appearance and they would mold into someone I would absolutely go crazy for. Where as other guy’s personalities would dull them down, until their appearance no longer meant a thing.

            From this, I’ve really learned what beauty means. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, and it’s like they say, “don’t judge a book by it’s cover”.  It’s amusing, because my boyfriend now is absolutely the opposite of the guys I would go for. If it were 6 years ago, I probably wouldn’t have even noticed him if he didn’t have his tattoos. However, the more I got to know him the more I fell in love.  It’s important to dance with your heart, not your eyes. 

Food: What are you?

           

       What we put in our bodies becomes a part of us: thus the famous saying “You are what you eat”.  In today’s world, time is limited due to our jobs, school and the daily agendas we make. Therefore, our food industry had the smarts to evolve our food along with our busy schedules. Families especially benefit from fast food, children get their cereal before school and Dad swings through McDonalds for a quick bite to eat during his lunch break.  I remember, as a child McDonalds was a common treat after a long day at school.  My mom would pick my brother and I up, then we would swing by the drive through; it was so convenient. To this day, the smell of McDonalds brings me back in time and makes me feel like a child again.  My association with Junk Food is a love hate relationship. Junk Food is a sad part of our American culture, however I do my best to not indulge in such eating habits anymore.

            Now that I am no longer a child, I am aware of the truth behind Junk Food and how it goes much farther then just food.  Not only does it affect our health, but also on a bigger scale it is affecting our culture. These large food corporations have so much power over our food, which directly affects us. If I had it my way, I would shop solely at Whole Foods, Lassens and Trader Joes. These stores are fresh, Organic and is food that we should be used to eating. However, on busy days that I go directly from School to work, it is hard not to stop for a convenient meal; something that just gets the job done.  I usually feel so guilty when I eat fast food, it is just necessary when I get off work late at night and nothing else is open.  

I try and avoid McDonalds and KFC with more effort than most fast food restaurants.  Those restaurants in particular gross me out, especially when you go to eat inside; watching people eat them are the worst.  When I was about 13 years old, I helped petition KFC because of the animal abuse and the way their chickens are raised and butchered.  It’s sad however, because that’s usually the case for all fast food restaurants and large meat company’s.  Try watched Fast Food Nation, that documentary will make you vegetarian for at least a month.

I want my body to get the nutrients it needs as well as the attention it deserves. I’ve been trying to make time to cook food and stop by a natural food store occasionally. Once you make it a part of routine, it all falls into place. Once I have children of my own, I certainly wont be going to McDonalds everyday after school. You must think about it in the long run as well, how will all that junk affect you in 20 years? So if you are what you eat, what are you?

Leap or Don't Even Jump at All

                                      "Leap or don’t even jump at all "

          

         Commitment to one person you love for the rest of your life seems irrational, are we psychics? How can we look into the future and know for sure you’ll love that person 60 years from now?  We constantly are changing; we are always becoming a new person, so how do you change with someone else? I believe Marriage is a leap of faith, romance is still alive, but it just takes a certain type of person to pursue commitment. Marriage is still relevant today; it’s just no longer a must. Human Dynamics, economy, and individual circumstances all play a role in the idea of marriage.

 You fight for what you want in life, someone who knows what he or she wants will keep fighting till the end. That’s why I believe marriage is still appealing, it’s not for everyone, however for those with headstrong ways will love and love hard. Marriage is beautiful, it means you found someone who knows you in and out, and loves you for everything you are. Why would you not want that person by your side once you’re old and grey?

Us as humans are social creatures, we seek out companionship, love, and physical contact. A kiss, a soft breathe, these mean so much more when it’s your man or woman against you. Kissing someone isn’t so appealing when you know they might have kissed someone else but 1 hour before you. Marriage gives us comfort and stability; the principles are nothing but good, so why do some people fear marriage? Its true, a lifelong relationship is a bit scary, however that’s why you don’t commit until later in life. There’s no rush, its not like old times when you get married right after high school, women don’t need men as supporters anymore either.

Marriage is definitely not what it used to be, its no longer based on religion or gender, but it’s only a legal documentation now. However, the benefits are rather pleasing, and if you are planning on being together for the rest of your lives, you might as well. I guess its true, you don’t need marriage to commit to someone forever, and for some people it’s just not necessary. The thing about marriage now, is that its no longer expected, if you meet a 35-year-old man who is single, its not surprising.  No one is forced into commitment, and marriage is optional. Before, it was expected of women to marry, men needed wives to keep up to social standard as well, everyone started at such an early age. Now, those who want it, can get it when they want it, there’s no pressure.

As far as monogamy goes, I believe it isn’t healthy to only be with one person through life, that’s why I believe some people aren’t very happy in marriage. You have to get to know different people, and options, compatibility, how would you know what’s good or bad if you only stayed on one side of the street?  I say date, meet new people, but once you found Mr or Mrs right, commit and be faithful till the end.

 I think its wrong to compare us with animal relations when it comes to monogamy (in reference to Kayt Sukels Essay), I know we are animals too however we are so much more complex. We may not be built for monogamy, however we are certainly in no shape for open intimacy. We have feelings far more complex then animals, jealousy is by far the strongest one.  I don’t think its possible to be in a relationship and love someone knowing that they are free to get physical with someone else, and honestly if you love someone enough I don’t think there’s the urge to be with anyone else.  How would you confide in anyone anymore? Marriage and commitment plays far more in our culture then we think I believe. It makes structure, and boundaries with one another.  It makes us feel safe, and gives stability. Could you imagine living in a world like Prairie Voles? One day your husband comes home and tells you the neighbor is having his kid too.

Being committed to someone proves we aren’t alone in this world, having a partner in crime is important because it gives you support and foundation. However we don’t live in a perfect world, and marriage doesn’t work always, but I couldn’t imagine living in a world without the idea of monogamy. As a little girl the idea of a Prince in shinning armor would loose its meaning, looking into the eyes of the person you love wouldn’t be the same knowing their eyes will look back into someone else’s eyes. Just witnessing Hippie communes back in the 60’s, and the idea of free love, showed that humans aren’t really built for open relationships; the dynamic doesn’t necessarily work.

Even temporary marriage seems oddly uncomforting, why would you even bother to get married in the first place? It would be like putting an expiration date on love, but then again, I guess it’s only the legal side of commitment. Marriage is a part of our culture, it built a good foundation and morals to live by, and I think it’s really important to keep it. It also serves purpose for the youth, to see and learn from two parents in love definitely shows to improve a child’s development, and learn good morals along with it. Little girls fantasy’s of white dresses, and walking down the isle should always be a dream, it just is a matter of when, why, and who. Once you find that right person, don’t ever give them up.  True love exists, and marriage makes it known. I think a lot of people give it a bad wrap now days, but it changes with time, however I think it’s important to our culture. Who knows, marriage might turn to mean something else in a decade, maybe it will change with gay marriage. Nonetheless, I say leap or don’t even jump at all.